My faults are many, but one in particular is sort of like the mammoth mother sin from what most of my others flow…and I won’t keep you in suspense.

I’m an Avoider.

You might think this is the same as being a procrastinator, and you’d be close, but I feel like it’s bigger and badder than even that. Not only do I constantly put off for tomorrow what can be done today, but I mentally compartmentalize so efficiently that I can banish unpleasant nagging thoughts to another place altogether. It’s a mercy that I get anything done, truly. One of my major Grow Up Already commandments is to stop this behavior little by little. Print the travel itinerary as soon as I get it rather than archive it “for later.” Make the call to the insurance company that I am dreading rather than secretly hope that they will just magically realize all the things that they do wrong and fix it independent of my intervention. Take the kids for their passport pictures once they can hold their little necks up rather than wait until we have a flight next month. That kind of thing.

So you can imagine that moving is rilly, rilly trying for a person like me. You might quickly lose any sympathy that you have for my predicament once I disclose to you that yes, the spousal unit is handling most of the administrative stuff, and yes, we are hiring movers to pack and ship this stuff. But still, there is just so. much. crap. Moving pieces, everywhere! Lists that must be made! Forms that must be filled out in triplicate! Multiple official agencies that must be contacted for various purposes, each more inane than the last. My lesson from all this? Never move anywhere. No matter where you live, no matter how unsuitable for your lifestyle needs, no matter how unbearably humid it gets in the summer or frigid in the winter, just stay there.

And yet focusing (interspersed with not focusing, of course) on the mundanity of the tasks ahead has had the effect of also allowing me to be a little disassociated from what’s actually happening. I’m leaving New York! My home for the last 4.5 years! We’ve leaving the country altogether, in fact. I’ll have to start adding random “u”s back into my written work and remembering Canadian dating conventions (relax, I just mean what comes first, the month or the day??). I have to start a new job and leave the one I have now forever, and it’s more devastating than I thought it would be. Yes, my job is crazy, but it’s the crazy I know. The aloof and often incomprehensible partners are still my aloof and incomprehensible partners. Who knows what I’ll be walking in to? And while I feel entirely confident that this decision will be in the best interests of my kids, I’m still taking them away from the only home they’ve ever known. The babysitting staff at the Y were crying on A and C’s last day this week! I know the best is yet to come but I can’t quarrel with the creature of habit that lurks within, either.

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