And no, this isn’t some kind of new insight. But it’s worth repeating to myself as I look over yet another year of hardly any blog updates.

I always feel like I need something to share before I write.

Mistake. Don’t wait until you feel you have something to share before you share it. As you write it, it may feel more rewarding or somehow comforting to feel like you have some kind of insight or cohesive explaining theory of the things going on around you – some kind of beginning (observation), middle (exposition) and end (meaningful conclusion) that trick you into believing you have some kind of control over the random insanity that is your life.

But the funny thing is that later-you, who is really the only person reading this blog, won’t come back and think, wow, profound insight. She’ll just find you mildly ridiculous and eagerly go on to the important stuff, the details of your life that you slowed down to think about and memorialize. Like how Ava (4) is going through an amusing and cringe-inducing phase of dressing as a bag lady/Johnny Depp every morning – complete with thin, ugly summer dress, homemade bead belt, felt hat, wild hair and stockings – because it makes her look like a “beeyoooooteful princess.” How Cole (2.5) is enjoying contradicting anything coming out of my mouth, which was funny the first billion or so times – “No milk! The milk is all done! No Thomas! The Thomas is all done! No all done! The all done is all done!” How Hilary is firmly entrenched in a three hour waking cycle overnight but preserves herself from being written out of the family will by perpetually looking at me like I’m some celebrity. Seriously, is there anything more heart warming than a baby who follows you around the room with stars in her eyes? Darling girl.

Yesterday I heard of a co-worker who had a baby after me being back at the office. For the first time I felt really legitimately privileged to have this time at home, not because it always feels like a privilege, but because it’s a gift of time at least. I can hold them close just a bit longer and sort all the rest out later.

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